Yesterday, there was a buzz in the room after recess. A few students came to be because they were concerned that part of the play at recess involved some kids spreading rumors about another kid “asking someone out”. I did a little bit of digging and quickly found out that some students were playing a game called “zapping” that had been imported from the middle school.
The game involves writing a time on someone’s hand and then secretly writing a name on the inside of the hand. If you look at the name written on your hand before the time, you have to “ask that person out.” Not everyone in the class was playing but there were enough that I felt it was worth the class’s time to talk about. Often, conversations about things like this can open up a conversation about other social situations that the students want help to navigate.
Today we sat down together and I explained the game. Then we talked about how quickly games that have at their core an element of embarassment can flip to “the dark side” (sorry for all of the Star War references in recent blogs). You may start a game of zapping by writing the name of a friend who is also playing but soon you’ll go for a more outrageous situation. Often, you’ll start to involve kids who aren’t playing the game and when they find out (which they do) they’ll feel (rightly) that you’re making fun of them. I talked about how hurtful it can be when you feel like kids are using you as a joke. And how awful it can make you feel when you think that people are laughing at you.
We talked about how people’s brains don’t fully develop until you’re 23 — and that making good decisions can be hard because of that. So you have to know what to watch out for. Games that are intended to make people feel embarassed often get out of hand and have unintended consequences. Rumors are easy to spread but impossible to fix because they spread beyond you so quickly. We even were able to talk about texting and e-mails and how you can undo a “send.”
We also talked about language you can use to get yourself out of a situation you’re uncomfortable with as well as how to courageously tell other people to stop. It was a great conversation and might open the door for more conversations at home. This is a great time to help your child anticipate some situations that might await them in the (not so distant) future. There’s a lot of evidence that shows that just thinking through the words one could use in uncomfortable or unsafe situations helps kids be a lot more successful navigating the social environment.
The Rookery 