The Rookery

Nancy Gregerson, a counselor here in Northfield who visited us earlier in the year to talk about self esteem, returned last Wednesday to talk to us about pro-active curriculum we could enact that would help kids have a foundation of understanding about themselves that we could use when conflict or issues arise.

One thing we talked about was the need some children feel to be perfect — to the point where they are afraid to make mistakes, afraid to try new things, and certainly afraid to go through the messy awkwardness of learning something difficult.  "Kids need to know that we make mistakes" I wrote down in my notes, all the while thinking to myself, "Of course they know that."

Or do they?  I went home and asked my four year old when he thought the last time I made a mistake was.  He thought for a bit, "A long, long time ago…like maybe when you were a kid."  Granted he's four.  I tried my seven year old.  "Um…last week maybe?"  Closer, but still!  I sat them both down and shared a sampling of the mistakes I'd made just that day.  Their eyes, especially the four year old's, got big.

"So, what mistake did you make today, Hal?" I asked a bit later.  He bit his lip, he looked to the side, "I don't know."  I shared a story of another funny mistake and we talked a bit about how everyone makes mistakes and it's part of learning.  I tried again and this time, haltingly, he came up with one.

I was surprised when the first thing he asked me when I picked him up was what mistake I had made that day.  I shared…and then he shared.  A tradition was begun and we've been sharing mistakes every day since.  A few days ago, Hal asked James to share one of his mistakes.  "I don't think I made any," James replied.  "Oh, James!"  Hal answered, "It's O.K.  Everyone makes mistakes."

I suspect that even our fourth and fifth graders would be comforted by our mistake stories.  As they enter pre-adolescence they need reassurance that imperfection and mistakes are normal and healthy.  They need to have models of how to handle mistakes in a way that keeps them in perspective and normalizes them.  And, as hokey as it may seem at first, adding mistakes into your "how was your day" check in might be a good way to do that.